I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
