You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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