did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you traded sex for a burrito?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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