I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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