I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
