Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
