Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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