i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
