I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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