How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
