She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
sex in a hospital.. check
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i believe in u and ur pee
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
