Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
