Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
