I'm passing your future prison.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
