Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
