Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize