You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
