lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize