puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
