he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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