Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
