I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have aggressive nipples.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
