# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
