it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize