dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
