does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
