Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
