I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i think my tv is drunk
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
