I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
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