The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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