is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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