You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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