He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
