one two three fourrrrnication!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
