He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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