we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
