Umm I'm too high to move.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You took a bar mat shot.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
