Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
