No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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