There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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