covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
