She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
