So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
