I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
