yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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