went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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