sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
