Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
