my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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