you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
