the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
