I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
