Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
