woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize