Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
