There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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