Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
