i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
