its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize