Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
