i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
