Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
