he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize