I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
