ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Randomize
