i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's blow job season.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
