if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
