That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
