my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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