I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
