I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
