That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i dont even know how to be here
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize