Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
