he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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