I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
