4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
