census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
