my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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