I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
