I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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