The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
