i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
