I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize