Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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