yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
