That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize