We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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