I bet he comes in French.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
