Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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