How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
