is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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