Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
