you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
