Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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