I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize