are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I looked at my own cervix.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
