I hate all girls vehemently.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
