Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this boner is exhausting
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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