I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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