She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
