Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
