Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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