I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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