Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This house was built for laser tag.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
