margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
