You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
