I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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