im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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