I swear she didn't look like that last week.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
