Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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