you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize