party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
