Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
